Gefilte Fish Marketed to Gentiles for Christmas Eve Feasting

By Michael Antonoff

Remaking a traditional favorite for a larger market.

Just as Christianity sprang from Judaism, now the Feast of the Seven Fishes can spring from a bottle of gefilte fish with all the simplicity of popping a lid.

Imagine the taste of seven different types of premium seafood minced into sausage-shaped bangers ready to eat from a jar. It’s a convenience that church goers and non- church-goers alike will love, the type of cafeteria Catholic who feels put off by having to shop for seven or more fishes, then cleaning and cooking them for serving all at once to a crowd of hungry party goers. Not in this pandemic!

Customers today demand direct-to-door delivery, no schlepping. And shippers will be happy to learn that there’s no need for dry ice, if there’s any left, since the fish has been processed and sealed in indestructible (unless you drop them) containers.

Fully cooked, six gefilte fishes, each a generous portion in itself, fit snugly inside a glass bottle of gelatin. The manufacturer has thrown in a couple of sliced carrots for color since the gelatin is a translucent gray and the ground fish a boring beige.

Carrots (left) are seen as colorful counterpoints to the blandness of beige.

To attract non-Jewish customers who normally deem gefilte fish “yucky” at best or “turd-like” at worst, the label has removed all references to “gefilte” fish. The product has been renamed “Seven Fish Feast” and replaced “Product of Israel” with “Product of Italy.” You were expecting Yehuda Gefilte Fish? Not for this market.

Sure, Seven Fish Feast starts with Whitefish & Pike Gefilte Fish. But then it’s only five more swimmers to go. And we’re not just talking perch, bass, carp or tilapia. We’ve saved room for shellfish, claws and all. That’s why every bottle says: Seven Fish Feast — Now with Lobster!

Certainly you won’t be able to get a rabbi to certify this product. Not only is it not kosher for Passover, it’s also not kosher any day of the year. But isn’t that the point? To attract new customers!

So, bring it on! This Christmas make sure that anyone with a hankering for a fistful of fish reaches for a jar of Seven Fish Feast. Italian grandmothers who normally slave over a stove deserve a break, especially on Christmas Eve.

Pass the horseradish, Nonna. Yum!